Quick, insert the apostrophe: Put that mole back on Aunt Bertha's face, where it belongs.
Hey, what's that thing in the middle of what's?
It is the apostrophe, the punctuation mark that provides job security for English teachers. It may be the most misused punctuation mark in the English language. Other than the comma, it also may be the most controversial jot or tittle among the cognoscenti.
And for some reason, people tend to get incensed over its improper use.
The floating punctuation mark that inserts itself at the edge and interior of words is a bit like a mid-word blemish. It interrupts the smooth flow of the reader's eye to tell them something, but what?
It's most commonly used to contract words. It goes where a missing letter should be. There it is mushing together it and is to form it's. Most people don’t forget to put an apostrophe in the word don’t, which is the contracted version of do not.
Let’s eat means that there are at least two hungry people near a refrigerator, and one of them has a growling stomach. Let’s is short for let us, not to be confused with lettuce, which some might eat in a sandwich. Lets eat without the apostrophe is incomprehensible.
The apostrophe has several other uses, but its chief function is to convey possession. Employing the apostrophe is a bit like hiring a bulldog of an estate attorney for the reading of the contested will of a rich relative. In fact, using the apostrophe is better. It binds two nouns or things together until surgical excision.
If a relative has an internal growth, Uncle Maurice’s polyp might need to be removed.
If another has a hairy facial protuberance, it’s Aunt Bertha’s mole to reckon with. The phrase Aunt Berthas mole without the apostrophe is nonsensical. It starts off by meaning there is more than one Aunt Bertha. Isn't one enough? Then there is that ugly little unmentionable hanging out without an owner.
Whose is it? (Notice that's whose, as in to whom does it belong, not who's. Who's means who is. It's a contraction of who is, where the apostrophe takes the place of I in is.) It's unclear.
Who’d (who would) really want to inherit an unclaimed hairy mole? Quick, insert the apostrophe: Put that mole back on Aunt Bertha's face, where it belongs.
Apostrophes generally work the same way with mundane nouns that don't require capitalization called common nouns. If a cow lows, what is heard is the bovine’s moo. If a fowl howls, it’s the rooster’s crow.
People often forget to use the apostrophe. Worse, they add it unnecessarily, as in, “Bacon and egg’s blue plate special, $3.99.” What that conveys to the reader is that the bacon and egg (just one) own the blue plate special. “Fish and chip’s, $7.99” is wrong for the same reason. Does anyone really want to order just one french fry? And exactly what does that slice of a spud own?
With common nouns, rather than names, the same rules apply.
Even with letters ending in the sound of S, such as X, add the apostrophe and the S: Max’s toothbrush, the fox’s trickery.
S is for special, and there are special rules for singular words ending in the letter S. Thus, if Kris has a smile for sore eyes, it could be either Kris' winsome smile or Kris's lovely smile. But some caution against using Kris's smile, including the Associated Press Stylebook, which is considered the bible of many newspapers. In that case, the preference would be for Kris' smile, in order to avoid having the hiss of S three times in a row.
If multiple people own something, the apostrophe comes to the rescue.
When the plural doesn’t end in an S, simply add an apostrophe and an S. Thus, every mother's favorite time of day is the children's naptime.
Speaking of the letter S, apostrophes don’t make things plural; the simple addition of the S or ES (for a word ending in S) generally does that.
If the plural ends in an S, simply add an apostrophe after the S, not before.
If the orchestra is unionized, it is the musicians’ contract.The S forms the plural, in that case, and the apostrophe is all that is needed to show possession.
If a special contract is being drawn up for the soloist, it is the pianist’s contract. There is just one pianist, so the apostrophe and S follow in that order, showing possession.
There are more rules, and they get quite Byzantine. The Associated Press Stylebook, which is generally pithy, spends nearly two pages on possessives.
The word apostrophe comes from the Greek, meaning to turn. And now, it’s time to turn to something else.