One in 5 young women will be a victim of sexual assault while in college.
By Nurse Practitioner Ila Shebar
I’ve been dating a guy for a few months now. I love him and am usually happy with him. But every so often he loses his temper, and really scares me. He always apologizes after but sometimes I worry he may get physical. Is this common?
While researching this topic I came across some alarming statistics. One in 5 young women will be a victim of sexual assault while in college; 1 in 9 teen age girls will be forced to have sex, 1 in 10 teens will be hurt on purpose by someone they are dating.
In response to these statistics regarding violence against women, Vice President Biden has committed himself to a campaign aimed at stopping the violence before it occurs.
Back in 1990, he introduced the Violence Against Women Act in the US Congress. In his continued effort to advocate on behalf of women, in 2011 he introduced a new initiative called “1 is 2 Many.” Using technology and outreach the initiative’s goal is to educate young women, and to help reduce dating violence and sexual assault among teens and young adults.
And President Obama recently created a task force of senior administration officials to coordinate federal enforcement efforts, particularly focused on the prevention of sexual assaults on university and college campuses.
For more information on these initiatives go to http://www.whitehouse.gov/1is2many
There is a quote on this site from an anonymous Amherst woman that reads: “There should be a way for students to safely, discreetly, and immediately report suspect behavior or violence to on-call campus authorities. For this to work, it would be imperative for the reporting student to remain anonymous, and that campus police/volunteers are trained in sensitivity issues.”
Dating violence is when one person intentionally hurts, or scares a date. Specifically, It is when one person uses controlling, abusive, or aggressive behavior, within a relationship. Unfortunately it can happen to anyone, regardless of age, race, culture, education, income level, or sexual orientation.
Dating violence can take different forms. Most people think of the violence as being a physical act, that is slapping, hitting, kicking, biting, strangling, and shoving. But it also includes emotional abuse, such as bullying, name calling, and yelling that intimidates. Stalking is also emotional abusive, as is isolation from friends and family.
Sexual abuse, such as rape, or forcing one’s partner to engage in sexual acts that the partner doesn’t want to do, is also dating violence. Digital abuse involves using social media sites to harass, intimidate, threaten, or stalk.
In a study from 2002 by Ackard and Neumark-Sztainer, ‘Date violence and date rape among adolescents: associations with disordered eating behaviors and psychological health’ it was reported that teens who experience dating violence reported lower self esteem and emotional well being, have more suicidal thoughts and attempts, and were more likely to experience eating disorders.
Dating violence behavior can occur on a first date, or in the midst of a long term relationship. Be informed. Understand that it is never OK for someone to intentionally hurt you, hit you, or force you to do something that you don’t want to do. And if something like that does occur, it is not your fault.
Do not ever accept “You made me do that.” Abusers are responsible for their own behavior. Do not believe that you deserve abuse - you don’t! And use of alcohol or drugs may accelerate bad behavior, but they are not acceptable excuses for that behavior.
Teenage girls involved in abusive relationships are more likely to get pregnant. And abusive behavior is likely to escalate during pregnancy. Getting pregnant is not the answer to stopping abuse.
Family and friends who suspect abuse is occurring should watch for warning signs, such as behavioral changes, falling grades, changes in activities, or no longer participating in activities previously enjoyed. Also watch for physical signs, such as suspicious injuries or bruises.
To end the relationship it’s best to have a plan in place. Let your friends and family know what you are planning and where you will be. Have a cell phone with you, and call for help if you need it. Change technology passwords if you have previously shared them.
If you’re going on a first meet up, always meet in a public place. And when I say meet, I mean it. Meet him there. Until you know him better do not allow him to pick you up at your home. It’s better to be able to leave when you want to, or if you sense something is wrong. Make sure a friend or family member knows where you are going to be. Bring your cell phone. Don't do anything that leaves you more vulnerable to attack. This includes doing drugs, or getting drunk.
If you think you are in an abusive relationship you need to get out for your own safety. Turn to a teacher, a counselor, friends or family for help. Contact the National Dating Abuse Helpline for support and advice. If you are in immediate danger always call 911.
Ila Shebar is a women’s health nurse practitioner specializing in women’s pelvic health and continence at Pioneer Valley Urology in Springfield. Her “Ask Ila” column appears every other Wednesday in the Health & Science section of The Republican and on MassLive .com. She can be reached at ilashebarnp.pvu@ gmail.com
Related:
Area organizations that help victims of domestic violence:
Womanshelter/Companeras
Member, Jane Doe Inc.
Office phone: (413) 538-9717
Hotline phone: (413) 536-1628
Toll free: (877) 536-1628
www.womanshelter.org
YWCA of Western Massachusetts
Office phone: (413) 732-3121
Hotline phone: (800) 796-8711 or (413) 733-7100
TTY Phone: (800) 796-8711
www.ywworks.org
Safe Passage
Office phone: (413) 586-1125
Hotline phone: (413) 586-5066
www.safepass.org
The Springfield Police Department also has a special unit staffed by officers trained to help those in abusive relationship. Members in that unit can be reached by calling (413) 787-6352.